i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
