ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
