At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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