real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
