3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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