Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
