I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
