Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
