You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
