I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
