We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
