he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
