All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
