saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
