Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
