Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
