My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Boobs are out for the taking
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My dick has a subreddit
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
