I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
this is an emotional support booty call
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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