you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
