so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
