I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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