So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
