508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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