he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
