I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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