I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
