I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
