I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
