The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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