Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
