i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
