he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
