every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
