I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
