You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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