Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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