I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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