you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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