The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
