i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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