I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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