He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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