Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
