I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
