Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
