i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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