So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
