I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
