There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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