I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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