i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
