the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
