and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
