Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
