i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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