You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
