Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
