No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
