dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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