My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
