think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
