I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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