I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
and you fell through a lawn chair
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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