That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize