I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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