I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
