Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
