You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
