If i come over, it means nothing
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
